Monday, November 20, 2017

GRIEF & THE HOLIDAYS

My mother died the day after Thanksgiving many years ago. I still remember the devastation. She was 55, too young to die. I was 28, too young to lose a mom.

How do you face the holidays in the midst of fresh grief?
  
Everything about the season seems poised to magnify your sadness: the music, the ads, the parties, the decorations, etc.

A week after my mother's memorial service in Ohio, I returned home to Phoenix to my husband and four young children. Bob's mother had coincidentally (a God-thing, for sure) been there on her way to California from her home in Chicago, and was able to care for my busy family during my absence. I am grateful, even today so many years later.

Before my mother-in-law left to continue her trip, she insisted she and I go shopping to buy the children's Christmas gifts. She wanted my help in selecting them and wanted to avoid having to ship a large parcel.

The LAST thing I wanted to do was go to the mall, but I respected her and realized she had held my family together for a week. No easy task.

On our trek to the noisy mall, I felt numb. I hated the blaring holiday music, I hated the shopping, I hated seeing the long line of children waiting to see a jovial Santa. I even hated when we stopped for a coffee break.

I wanted to stay home and cry and wallow in my sadness. Instead, this wise woman knew I needed to get back to doing "life," no matter how painful.

Looking back, I see it was the best thing for me. The hurt never goes away (even today), but the act of putting one foot in front of the other helped me re-enter life.

Are you grieving this year?

Is there an overall sadness that envelops you as you encounter all the holiday hoopla in the air? 

Take heart. You will re-enter life again, though it might be with a new sense of "normal." In time, the hurt will be less painful. Let positive memories of your loved one ease your pain.

Two verses I find comforting:

Psalm 16:
"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Romans 8:26:
"...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Mom & Dad - Bill & Marge Faris, circa 1969