GRIEF & THE HOLIDAYS

My mother died the day after Thanksgiving many years ago. I still remember the devastation. She was 55, too young to die. I was 28, too young to lose a mom.

How do you face the holidays in the midst of fresh grief?

  

Everything about the season seems poised to magnify your sadness: the music, the ads, the parties, the decorations, etc.

A week after my mother's memorial service in Ohio, I returned home to Phoenix to my husband and four young children. Bob's mother had coincidentally (a God-thing, for sure) been there on her way to California from her home in Chicago, and was able to care for my busy family during my absence. I am grateful, even today so many years later.

Before my mother-in-law left to continue her trip, she insisted she and I go shopping to buy the children's Christmas gifts. She wanted my help in selecting them and wanted to avoid having to ship a large parcel.

The LAST thing I wanted to do was go to the mall, but I respected her and realized she had held my family together for a week. No easy task.

On our trek to the noisy mall, I felt numb. I hated the blaring holiday music, I hated the shopping, I hated seeing the long line of children waiting to see a jovial Santa. I even hated when we stopped for a coffee break.

I wanted to stay home and cry and wallow in my sadness. Instead, this wise woman knew I needed to get back to doing "life," no matter how painful.

Looking back, I see it was the best thing for me. The hurt never goes away (even today), but the act of putting one foot in front of the other helped me re-enter life.

Are you grieving this year?

Is there an overall sadness that envelops you as you encounter all the holiday hoopla in the air? 

Take heart. You will re-enter life again, though it might be with a new sense of "normal." In time, the hurt will be less painful. Let positive memories of your loved one ease your pain.

Two verses I find comforting:

Psalm 16:
"I have set the Lord always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken."

Romans 8:26:
"...the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."

Mom & Dad - Bill & Marge Faris, circa 1969

SERVICE

We've all heard the old saying:

Service is Love in Working Clothes

I saw an example of that this week. A friend suffered the tragedy of the death of her adult son. The heartache is immeasurable. This mother walked through the agony of her week in a fog of grief. There were hundreds of details to tend to: a service to plan, photos to gather, family and friends to notify, etc.

A good friend of hers called and said, "I'm bringing over the woman who cleans my house. She and I are coming to do yours." And, they did, making it ready for out-of-town family.

Service is Love in Working Clothes

A similar thing occurred many years ago. A dear friend of mine, an accomplished musician and worship leader in several churches, went to the home of a church member who was dying of cancer. She cleaned the bathrooms, allowing the man's wife to take a little break and to return to sparkling bathrooms.

Before she left, she asked him if he wanted her to sing. He had spent his life serving God and she knew he loved the old hymns of the church. Of course, he was delighted....and so she sang.

I wasn't there, but this is the image I have: there she stands at the foot of his bed, dressed in comfy old cleaning clothes, perhaps still wearing her rubber gloves and holding the scrub bucket. She sings several of his favorites. Her beautiful soprano voice echoes throughout the sickroom and home, bringing a bit of God's grace to a sad situation.

Service is Love in Working Clothes

 "Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." (Galatians 6:2)


 "What good is it, my brothers, if a man claims to have faith but has no deeds?...Suppose a brother or sister is without clothes and daily food. If one of you says to him, 'Go, I wish you well; keep warm and well fed,' but does nothing about his physical needs, what good is it? In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead."(James 2: 14-17)


Let's look around and see where we can express our love and the love of God through our service to those who are hurting.

Let's get to work!

 

FRIENDS

We all remember the television show, Friends, that showcased several young adults trying to "do life" together. They became a pseudo-family. The highly successful series resonated with its audience on several levels.

I believe many enjoyed the show because it mimicked a group of friends in their lives both past and present. For others, it may have triggered a longing for such a fun group to connect with.

This past Sunday, my pastor preached on the remarkable friendship between David and Jonathon of Old Testament times. He had a lot of important things to say about the value of friendships.

For me, good friends do three things:

• They make me feel welcomed in their presence. I'm happy to be with them!
• They bring out the best in me by encouraging me to exercise my abilities and tell me when I mess up.
• They complete me. What do I mean by that?

I am blessed with a wonderful group of long-time friends. One of them has amazing spiritual strength. Another exhibits the gift of hospitality. She loves welcoming others to her home and making them comfortable. One blesses me with her sense of humor that helps keep things in perspective. One has incredible Bible knowledge and spiritual maturity. And one has the gift of nurturing others.

These women have much of what I lack. As I look to them as role models, I learn and feel completed.

One of my favorite New Testament passages comes from John, chapter 17, where Jesus prays for his disciples, a group of men he has poured himself into for three intense years. And...get this. He includes US in that prayer! Click here to read it for yourself: John 17. It's friendship at its very best.

* * * * * * *

Are you blessed with a good friend or friends? Cherish that.

To keep from being "me-centered" I should ask, "What kind of a friend am I?"

I must check myself:

• Do I make others feel welcome in my presence?
• Do I bring out the best in others?
• Do I help complete my friends by openly sharing my strengths?

Whew. A lot to consider.

Thanks for reading, my electronic friends! 

 

HAPPY FOURTH OF JULY

GOD BLESS AMERICA

God Bless America is an American patriotic song written by Irving Berlin in 1918, during World War I. In 1938, in response to Hitler's anti-semitism, he revised the lyrics, making it an important song of World War II. Kate Smith introduced it on national television and in the 1943 movie, This is the Army. It became her signature song.

God Bless America is a prayer asking for God's blessing on a nation looking for peace.

To hear Kate Smith sing it in her beautiful contralto voice, click here: Kate Smith
(Be sure to watch the whole five minutes.)

* * * * * * *

 

After the tragedy of 9/11, when our country was reeling under nationwide devastation, members of Congress gathered on the steps of the Capitol to reassure a hurting country. They broke out in a spontaneous rendition of God Bless America.

Democrats, Republicans, Senators, Representatives--all barriers were down as our leaders led us through our grief.

Click here to read an article depicting that event: Article

Click here to see a You Tube version and hear them singing: Congress on Capitol Steps

* * * * * * *

The most moving rendition of this beautiful song occurred May, 2017, at the National Memorial Day Concert at the Capitol on PBS.

Captain Luis Avila, a wounded warrior fighting his way back from horrendous injuries suffered in Afghanistan, sang this prayer, along with his musical therapist and opera star Renee Fleming.

Music is helping Captain Avila recover. His singing fills me with gratitude for the sacrifices many have made so I can live a life of freedom. His is the most beautiful performance of this song I've ever heard.

Click here for a very special blessing. You won't be disappointed:  Captain Luis Avila

Enjoy celebrating the 4th of July.

Pray that God truly will bless our America.

HAUNTED

Is your mother in your head?

• "Wash your hands, brush your teeth."
• "Mend that hem, don't use a safety pin."
• "Raggedy underwear? Un-uh. Never!"
• "The kitchen isn't clean until the counters are wiped down."

My favorite saying from my mom when I was going through tough stuff was, "You'll live through it, Honey, but you won't look the same!"

And then there was Dad. Why do I think of him whenever I get to the bottom of the toothpaste tube? Having lived through the difficult Depression, Dad always insisted we squeeze out the very last bit of toothpaste.

Dad also said, "If a job's worth doing, it's worth doing right." No slackers allowed.

Bill & Marge Faris--my parents who lovingly "haunt" me, even today!

As moms and dads we work hard to "get into" our kids' heads. There's so much to teach: compassion, kindness, hygiene, work ethics, self-discipline, etc. Part of our job is "haunting" them...in a good way.


The June 2nd devotional in My Utmost for his Highest by Oswald Chambers really touched my heart. Here are the powerful sentences that grabbed me:

• "The whole of our life inside and out is to be absolutely haunted by the presence of God."
• "If we are haunted by God, nothing else can get in, no cares, no tribulation, no anxieties."
• "We see now why Our Lord so emphasized the sin of worry."
• "To be haunted by God is to have an effective barricade against all the onslaughts of the enemy."

And then this:

"'God is our Refuge'--nothing can come through that shelter."

When I allow worry to envelop me, it affects my sleep, appetite, joy, energy--even my face! It paralyzes me. That's why these lines from the devotional speak to me.

May we all be haunted by God, who loves us and know us better than even our moms!

 

PAY IT FORWARD

Ms. Bolin, a fifth grade teacher at Dana Middle School in San Diego, is leading her students in an assignment that reinforces:

• reading skills
• writing skills
• life skills - compassion and gratitude

Together the class read Pay it Forward: Young Readers' Edition by Catherine Ryan Hyde. Originally, this was an adult novel made into a movie starring Helen Hunt. The young readers' version is the same story and concept on a different reading level.

This wise teacher followed up the novel by assigning the students a "pay it forward" activity every day for the last month of school. They must come up with an idea, do it, and write about it for their homework assignments.

My granddaughter is fortunate to be in Ms. Bolin's class. I watched as she performed various good deeds: thank you notes, giving her last bit of change along with a note to a homeless man, giving flowers to a nurse, cleaning a sister's dresser, etc.

This assignment introduces fifth graders to the joy of serving others. Human kindness.

We're lacking that sometimes, aren't we? Hate is on the rise as evidenced by language and actions. Violence and rage seem to dominate news reports.

Evil MUST be destroyed and it has to begin with US.

Perhaps a "pay it forward" every day is a start.

Where is the light of human kindness?  I'm searching. It's there, just buried under all the bad news. It is:

• on a Portland, Oregon, train when three men (heroes) defend victims of evil.
• in Manchester, England, when strangers, one homeless, usher people to safety during the tragedy.
• on a computer app created by a young boy to help physically challenged people find public places with accessibility.
• in a sympathetic smile and offer of help to a young mom with a screaming toddler. Yes, even on an airplane!
• in a fifth grade classroom in southern California.

How can  you and I Pay it Forward today?

Evil MUST be destroyed by US. 

 

TOWER OF GOOGLE?

Picture this:

You're out with friends, enjoying a lively conversation. Someone casually asks, "I wonder if it's still snowing in Colorado?" Then, three people whip out phones and start typing furiously. The conversation continues. Several minutes later, someone says, "Yes." You are puzzled but then realize your friendly banter has been "google-ized"......your conversation among friends has been over-taken with up-to-the-minute facts.

Has Google become the new Tower of Babel?

Read Genesis 11 for a Biblical account of a time when mankind tried to become smart like God. It was four generations after Noah--after God had destroyed nearly the whole earth because of mankind's sin.

Noah's descendants spoke one language and settled the region called Shinar on the plain of Babylonia, between those two famous rivers, the Tigris and Euphrates. The people multiplied and developed a booming city with skilled craftsmen.

Trouble was, they got a little full of themselves and decided to build a city with a huge tower "...that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves and not be scattered over the face of the whole earth." (Genesis 11: 4) 

This was human endeavor, full of human pride. It was self-glory instead of God-glory.

Do we do that today? The Internet allows us to wonder about nothing! Whatever question arises, there's an answer right at our thumb-tips.

Be assured, I believe in the power of knowledge, learning, and education--I'm a teacher, remember!

However, does our quest to know, understand, or explain interfere with faith and trust in God?

Adam and Eve got us into all sorts of trouble because they couldn't resist the "tree of the knowledge of good and evil." (Genesis 2:16)

Those who attempted the Tower of Babel soon came under God's discipline when he said, "Come, let us go down and confuse their language so they will not understand each other." (Genesis 11:7) That pretty much:

• stopped the building
• caused them to scatter over the known world (something they didn't want to happen)
• gave birth to Foreign Languages 101.

I believe God instilled in each of us the ability to create, learn, discover, etc. After all, we are made in his image. However, I continually ask myself, "When do I need to know for sure and when do I trust God for what I don't know?"

 Apply the pride of "needing to know" to modern life. Where is the wonder, the mystery, the call to trust God even when we don't know his specific answers. It's a tough line to walk.


BTW: I did use Google to research the Tower of Babel....also, two very old commentaries collecting dust on my bookshelf: Halley's Bible Handbook (1962) and The New Unger's Bible Handbook (1984). I, too, have been "google-ized"!