A family in Maryland is in trouble with Child Protective Services because they allow their two young children to walk a mile to school, passing a large park along the way. The mom was interviewed and vowed they would fight their right to teach their children street smarts and independence at an early age.
I'm not getting in on the argument, but I will caution those of us in the older generation who have already raised our families.
Be careful about labeling or criticizing the young parents who are currently in the throes of the most difficult job in the world.
It's so easy to slap a label on someone (like Helicopter or Free-range) without remembering the stress of dealing with the very real issues of home life. It's like, "We've raised ours, now we get to criticize the way you're raising yours."
Note to friends in my generation: don't ever forget how tough it was to raise children. The day to day issues as well as the large, looming, life-threatening ones. Stress, stress, stress.
Most of today's parents are doing the best they can with what they know. Let's cut them some slack.
It would have been scary if someone had labeled my parenting style. What would they call me?
- A Camouflage Parent - Recently my daughter mentioned how much freedom I gave her and her siblings in allowing them to walk quite a long way, through some alleys, to their elementary school. What she didn't know as a child and what I confessed to her, was that I followed along, discreetly hiding in bushes while watching the children walk to school each morning. When I knew they were close to the schoolyard, I turned around and went back home. I told her, "Honey, there were lots of moms hopping from bush to bush." Wouldn't Bil Keane, the cartoonist, have had a field day drawing a picture of that image?
- I-Think-I'm-In-Control-But-I'm-Not Parent - When our adult kids gather, it's fun but a little frightening to hear the stories of their childhood antics--those things their dad and I didn't know about. It's amazing they all survived. I thought I knew what was going on in our home but there are some genuine surprises. Whew.
- We Made Our Mistakes in Love Parent - This is probably the most accurate label for our parenting. We made mistakes, lots of mistakes, even after reading all the pop-psychology books on raising children. But...we always loved the little turkeys and whatever mistakes were made, they were cushioned by unconditional love. If my children know that, then we did our job.
Involvement vs. Independence
It's very difficult for parents of any generation to be involved in their children's lives and yet give them the gift of independence. My heart goes out to you who are struggling with this right now.
Perhaps a good resource is to look to God for real parenting advice. After all, he is the Perfect Parent:
- He gives us unconditional love
- He gives us free will
- He gives us protection
- He is involved in our lives
- He gives us second, third, fourth, etc. chances for do-overs
The parable really should be titled, "The Parable of the Waiting Father.
(Book recommendation from a reader: Prodigal God by Tim Keller)
(Book recommendation from a reader: Prodigal God by Tim Keller)
(Feel free to share this post with someone struggling in the task of raising children.)
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